As read just above the gap on a public toilet door: "beware! dwarf limbo dancers"

do you ever tell someone your age and then realize that that hasnt been your age in years?

The next time someone tells you evolution doesn't exist... point them to a different human race.

It's so sad when you peel back the lid on a pudding cup and it tears. :(

Does anyone else find it unavoidably ironic that when you delete a file on a Mac it goes to the trash can, whereas on PC it goes to the recycling bin?

If your roof shingles aren't on fire, don't ask for rain.

If most accidents occur within a couples miles of home, does that make homeless people the safest of all of us??

Zombies are dead people that come back to life, in part. So that makes Jesus what?

My nickname is Simon. I put it as my name on msn, but never realized it read "Simon says:" until someone pointed it out. Now I just feel stupid.

Do you think people in Hawaii ever call each other, say "Aloha", then hang up?